


Voiceless Scream

by Twyd



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Ambiguity, Ambiguous Slash, Angst, Awkwardness, Creepy, Denial of Feelings, Horror, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Masturbation, Mind Control, Missing Scene, One-Sided Attraction, Possession, Pre-Slash, Rescue, Rough Kissing, Slash, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2018-10-27 01:14:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10798671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twyd/pseuds/Twyd
Summary: Updated. If Izaya had been taken over by Saika.





	1. Chapter 1

Shizuo’s hands drop to his knees. Not in defeat, but out of need; considering the informant is half his size, the bastard _always_ outruns him, outjumps him, and tonight is no different.

“I-za-ya,” he grits out. He straightens slowly, and heads toward the roof Izaya had bounded for. 

Izaya is balanced on the edge, uncommonly still, staring down below him. Shizuo waits for him to move, as the wind howls around them. He experiences a wave of unease when he doesn’t.

“What are you looking at?” Shizuo growls,

Izaya gives no indication of hearing him. 

Shizuo edges towards him, thinking it must be a trick, but as he sees the set of Izaya’s shoulders, he knows somehow it isn’t. His gut clenches, imagining it must be something awful and unspeakable, maybe Izaya’s sisters, or worse.

Shizuo forces himself to the ledge and looks over.

Nothing.

He scans all of the perimeter building, and sees nothing of interest.

"What are you- ?"

He freezes as eyes lift to Izaya's, and he sees it. The glowing red eyes, the inhuman stillness.

“Izaya." Shizuo has to step back, suddenly unsteady. “Izaya,” he says again. “Get down from there.”

“I want to jump,” he says, in a strange voice.

“No, you don’t.”

Shizuo swallows and edges towards him.

“Don’t move.”

As he gets nearer, he sees the glint of Izaya’s knife, dangling uselessly between his fingers like he'd forgotten it was there.

“Izaya,” Shizuo says carefully. “Can you drop your knife?"

To his surprise, Izaya opens his fingers and lets it fall.

Encouraged, Shizuo says again,

“OK, now can you drop all your others?”

He does, obedient as a machine, delving into his pockets and letting them all fall into the dark. Shizuo relaxes a touch. He comes closer and extends a hand.

“I’m going to take your arm now, OK?” he says. Izaya doesn't move when he does. His eyes are still Saika-red.

“I want to jump,” Izaya repeats.

“No, you don’t. You don’t.”

He pulls the informant down gently, and the unnatural red eyes finally life and glow into his own.

“Who are you?” Shizuo says, keeping hold of his arm.

“Saika.”

He flinches a little, wants to let go.

“Why do you want to jump?”

“Because you don't love me.”

Shizuo frowns, not understanding.

"But what does that have to do with Izaya?"

Saika/Izaya stares back blankly. Shizuo tries a different tack.

“Izaya,” he says carefully. “Can you hear me?”

He doesn’t respond. After a moment, he repeats, “I want to jump.”

Something in Shizuo sinks, even though he has such a hard grip on Izaya, the informant couldn’t move an inch, let alone throw himself off the edge.

“I need to take you somewhere, OK?” he says. Izaya’s eyes remain expressionless, his feet planted. Shizuo thinks for a moment. “And – when we’re done, I’ll bring you back and you can jump, OK?”

Izaya looks so relieved that ir hurts Shizuo's chest to see, even though he knows this isn’t Izaya he’s talking to.

He walks Izaya down the stairs and out of the bulding, carefully, like he's crippled. Once they're in the street, he pulls Izaya’s hood up and has him duck his head to hide his eyes, and Izaya obeys like a kitten.

It feels like an age before they get to Shinra’s. The doctor’s first response on seeing them is to frown with annoyance – he’s getting sick of their late night bullshit – but his eyes double in size when Shizuo pulls Izaya’s hood down.

“Oh, shit,” Shinra says, taking a deliberate step backwards. “Oh, _shit_. Celty!”

Shizuo tells them what happened while Celty looks over Izaya.

 _-Izaya?_   She waves her phone in his face. No response. _-Saika?_ The red eyes blink.

_-Saika, Do you know where the sword is?_

“The sword,” Saika/Izaya repeats.

 _-Yes,_ Celty types patiently. _-Can you tell me where it is?_

She/he tells her.

Celty straightens.

_-Keep an eye on him._

They're left gawping after her while she goes out into the night.

Shizuo is still holding onto Izaya’s arms, just in case, even though he seems pliant enough.

“Can we go back soon?” he/she says now, with an odd kind of innocence.

Shinra and Shizuo look at each other. Shizuo swallows.

“Yes,” he says, feeling sick. "Soon."

“Thank you.” Saika leans against him then, without warning, closing her/his eyes. He looks so normal, so  _Izaya_ , that it is unnerving. “This body is tired.”

* * *

 

Celty comes back wielding the sword in hand like she will kill him with it, and Shizuo unconsciously tightens his hold.

“What are you going to do with him?”

She holds out her phone to show a message she's already typed.

 _-I can see things you can’t see,_ it says. _Move_.

She types something else when he doesn’t.

_-It won’t hurt him._

Shizuo looks at Izaya with his sad, sad glowing eyes, and lets go of him. He moves away from him to sit by Shinra.

Izaya/Saika's eyes follow him, and then they look dully at the sword like they’ve never seen it before.

Celty swings it then, not touching him, but slicing close enough to make them start violently. The blade lands in the floor between Izaya's legs, and Izaya slams back into the couch like he’s been struck and gives a howl of pain.

His eyes dim instantly back to normal, and he looks terrified.

“What was that?” he says, pressing into the couch, and trying to crawl back away from her. “What the fuck just happened?”

Celty types something and shows it to him. Shizuo doesn’t see what it says, but Izaya stares at it for a long, long time.

Shinra stands stiffly, goes to the kitchen and brings three glasses of water. Izaya’s hand shakes on the glass, spilling it onto his wrist.

 _-If this is what’s happening now,_ Celty types. _-We have to be more careful and work together. All of us,_ she adds pointedly.

“It’s never happened before,” Izaya says. “It’s never happened to anyone before.”

Shizuo stares at him and wonders how much he remembers.

Izaya stares back like a little kid.

 _-Have you been messing with Saika?_ Celty asks him.

“No,” he says, and he looks too freaked out to be lying.

“Did you guys see anything before it happened?” Shinra asks.

“No,” Shizuo says. “I looked everywhere. I didn’t see anyone. I was chasing him and his eyes just changed.”

Celty is typing again.

_-What’s the last thing you remember?_

Izaya doesn’t answer for a long time.

“I was just – looking. Over the edge. I don't know why.”

Celty takes the sword somewhere safe.

"What is that?" Shizuo asks her.

_Something that can control Saika._

"Can't you just kill her?"

_She can't be killed. She's not a person. She just exists, like love, and gets under people's skin when she can._

He and Izaya say nothing

Izaya looks at him when they are alone. 

“Thank you,” he says.

They leave together, still so stunned that it doesn't occur to either to them to run, or fight, or even speak.

“Izaya,” Shizuo states, when he knows the informant is about to turn off  for Shinjuku, and Izaya stops and waits, an unreadable look on his face.

“You know you’re not – you’re...“ Shizuo struggles with himself. Izaya just looks at him patiently. “You didn’t – have to do that,” he says, very slowly. “Don’t ever feel like you have to do that, OK? You’re – you’re OK.”

He expects Izaya to sneer in his face, to outright laugh and make something up. But, he only stares into space.

“Thanks,” he says, so seriously that Shizuo almost wonders if Saika is still in there somewhere.

He looks at Shizuo then like he almost expects something else. Then the moment passes and he steps away, and walks home into the night.


	2. Chapter 2

Izaya braces himself as he steps out of the shower. He'd been avoiding all reflective surfaces, but now he forces himself to confront the mirror. His own eyes stare back at him, their normal maroon. Not inhuman, not glowing with demented love. He looks tired. He sighs, turns off the light and goes to bed. 

He may look tired, but he's too restless to sleep. It would have been better if Shizuo chased him out of town like he always did, to get their tension out. He likes running away from Shizuo. He likes thinking about Shizuo. Almost unconsciously, he slides a hand between his legs, slipping into his usual dark fantasy.

He wants Shizuo's hands round his throat.

He wants Shizuo to do whatever he wants so long as it involves fucking him. 

As he fantasises, he can sort of feel Saika there, riding on his high, but it's not strong enough to alarm him. He smiles to himself, feeling another being smile along with him, his body arching up off the bed of its own accord before he loses himself completely.

Unbeknownst to him, his eyes glow red in the dark.

 -

Someone is knocking at Shizuo's door. Shizuo pulls the pillow over his head, hoping blearily that they’ll go away. When they don’t, he stumbles to the door half-awake, thinking someone better be dead or dying. It's gone 2 in the morning.

He’s fully awake in a fraction of a second when he sees it’s Izaya standing there. Only it’s not Izaya.

"I love you."

"Izaya..."

Shizuo starts backing away.

Izaya follows him with the same strange look on his face. 

“I love you. I love you.”

“No, you don’t.”

He notices Izaya is barefoot. He supposes Izaya's lucky Saika bothered dressing him at all.

The back of his knees hit the couch, and Izaya keeps coming forward to push him down and climb onto his lap.

"Izaya- "

"Tell me what you like," he says, in his new soft voice, Saika's voice. "I want to make you happy."

Shizuo tries a different tack.

“ _Saika_ , you need to give Izaya back, right now.”

Izaya takes off his shirt, taking no notice.

Shizuo averts his face, twitching with restraint. He can’t hit Izaya when he’s practically out of it, he can't.

"Saika," he growls again. "You need to leave Izaya alone, right now."

"Do you like him?" she says with interest. She leans back and looks down at herself. "Do you like this body?"

"You're not listening to me. I want Izaya back. I don't want you."

"No one wants Izaya. It doesn’t matter if I stay."

Shizuo opens his mouth to argue, when the significance of this hits him. Is that why she’s able to do this? Does Izaya think no one wants him?

"Izaya," Shizuo says, cupping the informan't face and looking for some life behind the red. “ I need you to come back now. You need to fight this."

"He can’t hear you."

"Listen," Shizuo snaps. "I don’t want you. No one wants you. You get out of him right now."

He goes to shove Izaya off him, when he gets a better idea. He bites his lip, grimacing inside as he feels Izaya's hard-on press up against him. Only it's not Izaya, Izaya's only the vessel and it must be so awful for him, like something out of The Exorcist.

He pulls Izaya close instead and kisses him. The thought of inadvertently pleasuring the monster sickens him, but he kisses harder when he feels Saika start squirming, as if finally realising she’s not welcome.

She practically sobs when he pulls back, and he feels some of Izaya returning, the feather-soft hands turning to fists.

Shizuo keeps his arms around him.

"This is for him, not you," he says in Saika's ear.

She groans in response.

Encouraged, Shizuo strokes the informant's hair off his face, trying to focus on the fact that it's _Izaya_ in there, not this monster. He tries to let go of all the hate he'd ever felt towards him in case this gave Saika strength. "People want you, Izaya-kun. You can’t let her do this."

Izaya shudders in his arms. He closes his eyes, so Shizuo isn't sure who he's talking to anymore, but he's not taking any chances.

"Izaya," Shizuo says insistently. "Izaya-kun. Come on, this is for you. Work with me here."

Izaya tries to say something, his voice deeper, becoming his own again.

His arms go around Shizuo's neck and pull him in for another kiss.

"Please," he says, in his own voice. "Please."

Shizuo pushes him back a fraction too late. He has somehow become hard himself, and he doesn't want Izaya, the real Izaya, to realise.

Shizuo wrestles him off, and Izaya fights to stay close, eyes half red, half normal, as Shizuo throws his against the wall and holds him there.

He tells himself he keeps kissing Izaya just to bring him back.

When Izaya's eyes have long returned to normal, and Shizuo realises it’s probably time to stop. _But_ , his brain says helpfully, _the_ _rejection might make her come back._

The informant's legs wrap round his waist. A fist pulls Shizuo’s hair back so he can bite his throat as he comes, and yes, this is definitely Izaya. Shizuo adjusts him against the wall, protecting his head with his hand as an afterthought, while Shizuo's neighbour yells at them to shut up. Izaya starts laughing.

"It's still me," Izaya says as Shizuo checks his eyes, and kisses him again.

Shizuo peels him off the wall and into bed, pulling the sheets around him.

Izaya takes the hint and relaxes, leaning into him for sleep.

"Thank you."

Shizuo tenses.

"Still me," he murmurs. "I can be nice too."

-

They wake up still entwined. The first sleepy thought of Shizuo's is that this is warm, this is nice, until his brain remembers the context and he sits up, roughly turning Izaya over so he can see his eyes.

"It's me," he mumbles.

"- right. Good." He lets go, feeling foolish.

"How do you feel?"

"Normal."

Shizuo nods.

"Uh, we should probably ask Shinra and Celty to come over instead of going there. You didn't bring any shoes, and I don't have anything that'll fit you."

Izaya lifts his head, confused.

"I didn't bring shoes?"

"No. Saika was in a bit of a hurry."

"Oh God." Izaya drops his head back into the pillow. "What if someone saw me?"

"…I’ll call Shinra," Shizuo says, thinking it is the kindest thing he can say.

-

Shinra stares at them both curiously when he arrives, Izaya shoeless, the bed stripped, both of them looking at anything but each other.

"Well, this will be good."

Izaya rolls his eyes.

"...Why don't I give you guys some privacy," Shizuo mumbles, and leaves them to it. Unlike Izaya, he doesn't exactly have an excuse for his actions.

They turn to Izaya expectantly once he's gone.

Izaya sighs. This is going to be a long and terrible conversation.

_-How did it happen? What were you doing when she first took control?_

"Having some me-time."

They look blank. He hates them.

"I was masturbating, OK? I had a very long and traumatic day, and I needed to blow off steam."

_I needed to think about Shizuo's cock down my throat, that always takes the edge off._

He shakes his head to clear it.

"Why does this keep happening to me?"

_-I don't think it will happen again._

"What are you basing that on?"

_-I've talked to Saika._

"What do you mean, you've talked to her," Izaya growls. "Are you best pals now or what?"

She ignores this.

_-Tell me if anything happens again. It shouldn't do, though._

"It's a bit late for that, isn't it? The worst thing that could have possibly happened has happened."

"What, you had sex?" Shinra snorts. "Big deal. Shizuo was _into_ it. You should be happy."

"Don't be ridiculous," Izaya hisses, flushing, all too conscious of Shizuo sitting a room away. "He wasn't, he's just a brute. And - and - he was probably worried the rejection would make me - Saika, I mean - kill herself. Kill me."

"Hmmm," Shinra says.

Izaya looks at Celty for help, who shrugs.

_-I'm staying out of this._

"Fine, whatever. If you could keep your supernatural pals from using me as a fuck vessel in future, that'd be great."

_-From what you described, it sounds like she was shown she's not welcome, in a very painful way. That's exactly what was needed._

**-**

In the other room, Shizuo is praying they don't come and confront him. He can't explain himself when he hasn't even settled it in his own head. So he stays hidden until he hears them getting ready to go.

"What now?" Shizuo asks, as they leave.

"All sorted," Shinra says, with confidence that Izaya's face doesn't reflect. "But lock your door tonight. Just in case."

Izaya flinches a touch when he says this, and Shizuo wants to say something but he doesn’t know what.

He looks at Izaya awkwardly when they're gone.

"So, is it sorted? I mean, obviously I need to know if this sort of thing's going to be a problem."

Izaya smiles bitterly.

"What, you're worried I'll keep showing up at your apartment demanding sex? It won't happen again."

"Oh," Shizuo says, not sounding quite as relieved as possible. "Just like that?"

"Apparently. I guess Celty pulled out all the stops once she realised you were involved. You saving me from suicide is one thing, sleeping with me is another."

Shizuo says nothing for a moment. 

"Maybe you shouldn't be alone for a while," he says slowly. "Just in case."

Izaya lifts his head to stare at him.

"Are you saying I should stay here?"

"No," Shizuo says, going red. "But, you can if you want to. If you think it'll help."

Izaya doesn't know how to respond. He's getting a lot of mixed messages. Perhaps he could pretend to be possessed again. No, he couldn't fake the eyes.

 _What's wrong with me?_   he thinks. _Why am I even thinking about this?_

"I better go," he says quickly. 

"OK. But you don't have to."

-

They sleep in the same bed again, as it's easier and there's no point in being coy. Only Izaya doesn't sleep and he's not sure Shizuo does either. He's paranoid in his own thoughts, convinced Saika will emerge as soon as he starts to drift.

"What if it’s not Saika?" he blurts in the dark. "What if I’m just crazy?"

"It was Saika," Shizuo says reassuringly. "You're not crazy."

"How do you know?"

"I just do. I can tell." Shizuo reaches out and gives him a comforting little squeeze. Then he seems to realise what he's doing and tries to take his arm back. "I didn't mean to...take advantage."

Izaya grabs his arm to keep it there.

"I really owe you one, Shizu-chan.”

"That's OK."

"No, really."

Shizuo stays tense beneath him.

“How do I know this is really you?”

“I thought you could tell?”

Shizuo reaches over him to turn on the lamp, pushing Izaya’s hair off his face so he can see his eyes.

“I need to be able to see you.”

“Are you – are you sure you want to?”

Shizuo kisses him, hard. He’s sure.

**Author's Note:**

> I come up with some weird shit when I'm ill.


End file.
